The funniest things heard over live volume 5

every-one loves a good laugh at some idiots so I thought I'd revive this classic thread idea again.

Whats the funniest thing you've ever heard over XBL

Some classics and some recent ones for you.

Number 1

"I'm gonna get my friend, he does work for some local gangs as a hired assassin, to come down to your house and brutally murder you and you know what else he'll just walk away and no-one will ever get him, so when you hear that knocking on your door tonight it'll be him with his shotgun come to kill you"

me "dude I killed you in Halo get over it "

"You keep killing me you cheating [expletive removed]"

me "Then learn to play better and stop running right at me so often and really your friend is going to hop on a plane at his own expense and come to the UK to kill me just because you can't take being killed on a vide game "


*every-one in the room laughs*

"I'll have him kill every-one one of you [expletives removed"

*every-one laughs harder*

guy ragequits.


Number 2

*young kids voice* "[expletive] [expletive] [expletive] you [expletive][expletive][expletive] [expletive][expletive][expletive] every-one [expletive][expletive][expletive]"

me " please shut up kid and stop being a pain just because you were adopted and your parents don't really love you its no reason to keep insulting every-one here"

*noises of crying*

*womans voice* "How dare you guys, youve upset my son I should get you all banned from live for this"

me "listen lady your vile mouthed little brat was yeling at every-one on here so he deserved it"

*murmur of agreement from others in the room*

*Womans voice* "he wouldn't do that I'm reporting all of you"

*young kids voice fighting back tears* "you hear that if any of you [expletive]s insult me my Mum will have you banned from live"

*other voice* "Kid shut up"


Number 3 Joint

"Charles Babbage didn't he invent the internet"



*thick Texas accent* "America's the greatest country in in the world because we were the first to have a flag"

"so what did all the countries before America was founded use then ?"


*Thick American accent* "Atleast we don't shoot our allies in the back like you English do"

Number 4

dude 1"I'm doing all the work here this is capture the flag do something you useless [expetive]s"

dude 2"dude shut up"

dude 1 "No I'm doing all the work here"

Me "hey dude 2 jump in I'll drive you to the enemy base"

dude 2 "sure"

*enemy flag taken*

*Dude 2 killed*

*enemy flag taken*

*hobblejp scored the enemy flag*

dude 1 "see told you I'm doing all the work look I just captured the flag"

me "then why'd it say hobblejp captured the flag"

dude 1 "because I'm hobblejp ddduurrrr what are you retarded "

me "ok so why when you talk does it say dude 1 not hobblejp yet when I talk it says hobblejp"

dude 1 "because you a hacking [expletive] son of an [expletive] modder thats why"


Number 5

I joined a game of Left 4 Dead 2 used my health pack right away to heal some-one in the red, they then turned and TKed me a vote was then called by a player an I was kicked, I then messaged said player asking why he kicked me heres the response

"Because we didn't want you playing in our game"

me "why would that be"

"because we don't"

me "were you waiting for another friend to join"

"no we wanted a random person to join"

me "I'm a random person though"

"but we didn;t want you to play with us"

me "Give me a reason"

"I'm a high school history teacher and the reason we didn't want you to play is because we didn't want you to play with us"

me "thats not a reason thats just repeating the same thing, give me an actual reason, as a history teacher you must understand reasons as World War 2 didn't simply happen because it happened"

"[expletive] you thats your reason"


Number 6

host "hobblejp you suck at this game I would destroy you"

*Silence in the lobby*

host "What no come back hobble, you too much of an [expletive] to say anything because we crushed you"

me " dude you just lost the match and badly"

host "yeh well we'll see in the next match whos truly the best"

*host removed hobblejp from the lobby*

*hobblejp rejoins the lobby*

host "sww that what a [expletive] he doesn't even have the decency to stay around and fight he ran off because he can't take the fact he knows i'm better than him"

me "I'm still here you know"

host "what !"

*host removed hobblejp from the lobby*

*hobblejp rejoins the lobby*

host "see he's run away again"

me "nope I'm still here, and I'm not running some stupid moron keeps kicking me from the lobby I wonder who that could be"

*host removed hobblejp from the lobby*

*hobblejp rejoins the lobby*

host "I'm better than you in every way hobblejp I don't play this game 24/7 I have a great life and a job"

me "well I'm just getting back to playing this game a bit and as for a life I do have one, but I somehow doubt you have much of one as you seem obsessed with skill in video games"

host "I do I'm the head of a bank branch on 50k a year with a top end company car and a centre fold girlfriend"

Other person in lobby "so thats why when I googled your gamertag I got linked yo your facebook hello John Smith (not his real name I've chenged it for the forum) hows the dole treating you"

host "what !"

other person "yeh I googled your tag and you mentioned it so much on your facebook so much it was the number 1 result, loving the wall posts about going to collect your dole money, also loving the car I mean a Voxhall Nova is a true classic and the girlfirned I mean giant hooped ear-rings and a fake tan that makes David Dickinson not look OTT well done there dude"

*host leaves lobby migrates*

Other person "wonder if it was something I said ?"


Numebr 7

on Gears of War

guy 1"yeh last night me an my Gf were getting closer and I reached down into her pants and felt [removed to keep this closer to E rating] "

guy 2 "at last dude well done, you're getting there"

guy 3 "well done, its taken long enough"

*little kids voice* "whats a [expletive] like you said ?"

every-one "oh god"




yeh they weren't all that funny really were they but anyway theres some examples.


Whats the funniest thing you've heard over XBL ?




Discussion Info

Last updated July 4, 2018 Views 5 Applies to:

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have you ever heard a random kid start crying coz i have

[quote user="reegy"]

have you ever heard a random kid start crying coz i have


Dude i managed a porn flip book thanks to people on Burnout Paradise and mugshots, I think I've heard and seen most things lol

"two minutes in and we're already talking about each others mothers".

A line from online earlier that pretty much sums live up.

people just save time, if you want to actually hear the funniest things said over LIVE just go to youtube and do a search for funny xbox live

look out for the robot enforcer

Playing CoD4 on Crash, just reached the top of the 3rd storey building with my M40.

Yank: Move

Me: Why ?

Yank: your in my spot

ME: so what get your own spot to snipe

Yank: Your British right

Me: Yea so what

Yank: Don't you know Americans are ment to have tactical positions over other nationalities

Me: you are joking right

Yank: No

And he was dead serious to, argument ended up going on for the whole match lolz.

I get insulted every day whenever I play Black Ops. I could write a book on them all. However, couple of years ago, I remember this one kid in a GTA4 match. After being insulted, his father got on his mic and started laying into the other people in the match, who in turn laid into him. Only lasted one match but it was very entertaining to listen to :)

Random guy (RG):Moaning about getting killed

Me:(in a sarcastic way)...Chill out broski

RG:Suck my *** you *Happy* *****!!!!!

Me:Surely if you want me to suck your *** that would make you the *** one?

~~Awkward silence~~

RG has left the game

Well, it wasn't audible, but t'other day in a game of Invasion on Reach, I Spartan Lasered the same guy three times in a row, with him immediately leaving after the third death. I get a message from him which reads 'ur bad'.

Needless to say I cried myself to sleep.

Last one was getting called a mug don't really hear in game chat no more .

i may have to start using game chat again just for lolz

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