Welcome once again to my unprofessional look at what the indie marketplace has managed to come up with this week.
In case you’re wondering on the delay pick one of the reasons below
I was going to write it but I found I had alcohol instead
Some developer managed to slip out a release today meaning I delayed to write a review of that game as well
Game Name: Pajamorama
Cost: 80 MSP
Review bit: “Oh god not another piece of **** game that tries to sell on some stupid concept of *** alone I’m not reviewing this ******* piece of ****” That was my initial reaction upon seeing the game on the indie marketplace but I thought I’d do it to give a few people a laugh as I wrote a huge rant of the game and how terrible it is and there better stuff free on the internet etc etc.
Then I played the game and that’s why this isn’t one of those reviews. If you after material for your own intimate pleasure look elsewhere as short of the game icon this game tries and fails miserably at the *** sells idea. The game itself plays like Smash Bros but without the random item mayhem that comes with that game rather than health you have damage and the aim is simple in the main mode, reduce the enemies stock to nothing by knocking them off the level. Now before I go on I should say I’m going to be very hard on this game but you’ll see why in the verdict. The fighting works with each character having slightly varied moves but they are based on the same attacks meaning the game is balanced and has some difference beyond aesthetic in the characters I’m sure some one could find a way to abuse the game or one characters moves but I didn’t find a way.
The characters move like they are card split pinned together most of the time and I can’t help but feel time would have been better spent on giving a decent impression of gravity to the characters themselves and not just their breasts which seem to have been coded with the jiggle engine from the DOA series while the girls themselves seem immune to gravity as long as you’re doing a move of some kind . The game also boasts 2-4 player online multiplayer which for an indie game is rare and for a fighting game on indie marketplace is rare too my point being no one will play it there, its an indie game people don’t play those online and seriously who has a friend out there who would buy a game called Pajamorama about girls fighting with one another just to vs you online ? seriously ?
Verdict: The Best Fighting game on the indie marketplace, I’m not joking it really is, balanced yet different characters where the moves work unlike some other indie fighting games I’ve played and nor can the game be won by spamming a single button (or infact require you to do that to win). If you can convince a friend to buy it they won’t regret it. With varied stage locations that aren’t simply different pallet swaps as each level has different physical features such as extra platform sections. It even manages almost competent AI (something many big developers still can’t manage ).
This game was a pleasant surprise even if I do feel the development team would have been better using their talents on a game that didn’t try and sell itself on boobs alone.
Game Name: Motorbike Stunt Agent Julie
Cost: 80 MSP
Review bit: A comic book art style that hides under it a very impressive mix of trials HD and metal slug only without the annoyance and broken controllers that come with Trials HD. With again actual voice actors, I think this week my faith in indie developers have been restored and actually increases as this is two games for two that were damn well done and dare I say it something I’d have expected to have seen Microsoft steal and try to pass off as more games room machines etc (please don’t do that MS)
Verdict: A valiant effort worth the 80MSP asking price my only major issues being the extreme precision in the shooting and the level of on screen chaos meaning I sometimes lost where I actually was on screen.
Game Name: 4 [unknown Japanese symbols I can’t type] 3D
Cost: 80 MSP
Review bit: OK its 4 in a row in 3D how do I even review it, the game works and lets you rotate the board etc, though lack of online play hampers it slightly. Also there’s a slight annoying glitch / error where the game will pick up on the 4 in a row but won’t say you’ve won until your opponent goes for his turn.
Verdict: It works mostly if you really must own a digital 4 in a row 3D game then you’ve got lucky other than that I really don’t see why you’d buy it.
Game Name: Nene Minigames
Review bit: Nene minigames or to give the game its full title Nene Hell is these Mini games. I’m sorry I love mini games as much as the next person but no just no, this game shattered my faith in indie developers. This game is not Mario Party, it’s not Wario Ware, this game is incredible crisis only worse, the game follows some paper thin storyline about having to do mini games to progress through the day, only unlike incredible crisis where the mini games at least related to the action this game seems to want to be everything and it does nothing right, the mini games are dull a unimaginative and simplistic to the nth degree, I’ve played the first set of mini games and the first day two mini game here’s what they were. Whack a mole , Build a burger for total idiots, Cups (finding an object under a cup and watching where it goes etc), Quick Draw (which as the games for up to 4 players I have no idea how it would work), Pick a face (math the face given to the line up) and finally counting shapes (which even managed to have a glitch as there was only 1 blue star yet it classed that as the wrong answer). Each player gets a score based on the mini game and the player with the highest score or who was fastest wins and if you were say helping with the illegal torture of another human to extract information using this game, would mean the winner gets t pick the next game assuming it’s not a mandatory game space. Each day brings more mini games with it but on the first day you’re limited to 5 mini games until you finish the day but each time you play the same mini game it gets harder. Now I didn’t top any of the games out but I can tell already by level 6 finishing the game would be a joke as on duel at level 3 I had 0.8 of a second to press the corresponding button to win, it takes me 0.8 of a second the read and comprehend which button to press while sober. The game so badly wants to be Mario Party and it just isn’t. If you lose all your lives in single player you also have to restart the day over from the very beginning. Even Duke nukem forever had better mini games in it than this.
Verdict: 240MP for this game with no online play is a joke plain and simple. In incredible crisis the mini games got harder but you played because of the insanity of the story to see what could possible go wrong next even though the mini games lost their fun and became a chore quickly, in this game the mini games start as chores which only work to break up the most boring storyline ever written about a kid walking to school then finding he has to study for a test. If you want a game for the same price go out to you local games store and buy Bishi Bashi special on PS1 or Incredible crisis and play those. At best this is a game for your 3 year old who has never played a game with mini games in it ever before in his life. Otherwise unless you’re working at a secret government detention centre trying to get information from a suspect by and means I can’t in good conchiouns recommend this game to you.
Game Name: Doc Logic
Review bit: I reviewed an 8 bit game last week and it make me want to barf this week I’m reviewing another but this one is actually good. The 8bit style works and yet lets people sign in without having an 8 bit sign in screen which makes you feel like you’re butchering the 360 graphics card just by playing it. Doc Logic is a 2D game where you’re only objective is to get the highest score possible and survive, and it works you can only die by running out of time and hitting enemies powers you down so you can’t jump as high or run as fast to get the stopwatches to keep the timer running, each time you clear the screen of stopwatches a new lot randomly respawn in as do more enemies, which come in varied types and also pallet swapped versions with different behaviour behind them, the game even offers a variety of stuff to help you, as at a distance you fight shots at enemies up close the game automatically does a sweeping melee, you also have shields and can nuke the enemies.
Verdict: I once an old “portable” played Space invaders game for 18 hours straight and got to over level 500 on it. Thank god it wasn’t dock damage or I probably would never have got board and left the thing alone. 80 MSP, bargain for a game that will keep the kids quiet for hours ( if you do have kids that is).
Game Name: Attack
Review bit: A new old school inspired art style, Attack has your line tank driving along the printer paper along a table taking out turrets and other tanks along the way with suitable explosions into numbers and garbled symbols. This game is also quite tough but worth playing with some of the most natural controls I’ve ever felt in a tank game which really give the feel of driving a heavy machine of war.
Verdict: Worth every point for the art style alone, if it were done micro machine style as a small tank fighting it might have had me saying it deserves to be priced up for more but as it is the art style works even if it is simplistic.
Game Name: Torque Quest
Review bit: Think of Adult Swim the whole channel, now make it into a game, then get drunk, then remake the game out of bits and pieces you find about. This is Torque quest an RPG text adventure with pictures that is also an object puzzle game. The game had me in stitches from the boatman to take you home to getting beat up by the barman who is also a demigod and dislocating the main characters shoulder by reaching for a key in a toilet a la silent hill, to then trying to have a conversation with the toilet.
Verdict: Definitely not a game for the kids or grandma here, I’d even say its specialist, if you laughed at “Dude Where’s my car ?” then this game might well be for you otherwise the mix of slightly messed up vulgar humour might make you regret your purchase. Though for the moment hold off buying it as the game has more spelling and grammar issue than me in these reviews, which hopefully the developer will go back and correct.
Game Name: Raventhrone
Oh no another game by the Avatar farm guys already but I have to say they’ve done ok with this outing, making a very complex Hack and slash RPG adventure game. With a art style very much with the feel of Limbo but as a popup book about Norse mythology, the controls work and the spell system almost manages to be useful. My only major complaint is the game itself, I started on normal and for the style of game the enemies seem to take just slightly too long to kill to enjoy it. The game itself really has you working, with strong attacks weak attacks, combos blocking and a kind of parry a stamina bar which is drained by your attacks and by blocking a strong enemy attack but does restore (even if it is annoying running out in mid combo and standing there like a lemon waiting to be able to so much as block again). The game is a mashed up story with your hero having a helmet and hammer pretty much like Thor but following a slightly Hercules esc plotline. The basic plot is in the mortal coil someone tried to kill you the Sisters of fate find your fate strand is solid gold in this part of your life meaning you shouldn’t have died and as such the sisters of fate let you go to Valhalla to be sent back to the mortal world by the gods and to fight for the gods against an enemy presumed to have tried to kill you thinking you’d want to defend the gods anyway.
Verdict: Not perfect and for all the issues it only just justifies the price tag, but its still better than parasites Ninja Zero from last week.
Game Name: Attack of the Evil Androids
Cost: 240 MSP
Review bit: this game has you playing as an emoticon trying to take out the google mobile operating system mascot, the art for the game initially looks great until you start playing where you find rather than a player character you’re a smiley face emoticon who gets round by rolling, yet you can also shoot missiles and fire the near worthless bombs, most of the game is spent injuring yourself by rolling into walls and finding frustratingly you need to do a rolloing jump to get up some edges, this is made all the harder by a control scheme that is both tight and loose at the same time in a way you can only ever experience by playing the game, as your moment seems to carry on but other actions seem razor sharp.
Verdict: The game makes reference in the beginning to the Windows 7 phone and I can’t help but feel that’s where this game should have been released, for 240MSP it’s a joke at 80MSP it would have justified its price but for 240MSP it’s a rip off plain and simple the only time this game would be worth owning is on a windows 7 phone and only being played on occasion when you feel like hitting your head against a brick wall.
Game Name: Cursed Loot
Review bit: an old school dungeon crawler with more depth than most old school ones, infact more depth than most new age ones, the randomly generated dungeon is nice as is the sense of humour in the game as well as the fairly complex yet easy to Use RPG esc levelling and fighting system. Theres different classes giving replay ability as well as awardments which unlock extra stuff in game for future playthroughs and each class seems distinct enough from the beginning to make a difference. Add in more complex stuff like cursed armours you can’t remove unknown potions which might harm you, turn you to a ghost that can attack and not be hit, let you fly so you can hit and not be hit as much or give you a shield to protect from damage
Verdict: justifies the price and then some. If they threw in online and offline co op play I think I’d even pay 800MSP for it as an arcade released, and if they gave it graphics that weren’t simply 8bit sprites 1200MSP. This is the dungeon crawler I’ve been waiting for and hoped Dungeons and dragons or that other game whose name I can’t remember should really have been.
Best game of the Week: A tough one this week but this weeks best game is Cursed Loot
Games to I bought: None yet though I have a feeling Cursed Loot and Torque quest might soon be taking some points off me replacing Blow me up on the list of games to spent spare points on.
This week also has an honourable mention for the game Pajamorama which if it were last week would probably have been top of my list of games but coming out in a very good week for indie games and for the fact I don’t want to forever play only bots on the game it just lost out. Still it is the best fighting game in the indie marketplace. Take heed indie developers, this is how you make a fighting game that works !